Theres a wrench in the gear, causing a twisting, painful screeching that resounds through my head as the metal grinds the unfortunate tool to bits. It isn't part of the system.. It doesn't belong.
Smash it.
A wrench could halt the flow, could stop the chain that keeps middle class america's eyes focused on the road ahead.
But I'm tired of the road. Tired of its patient lines and orderly procedure. I welcome the middle finger past the glass walls of anonymity. Smiling and waving my happy apologies to those around me.
I seek connection. Something genuine and fierce and unstable. Something that sends my eyes wide and dialated with shocks of light and wails of darkness. Something to open me wide, pulling the ribs apart like a vultures wings and kissing my open beating heart. Sweat as thick as molassus.. skipped heartbeats and unstable bowels.
The feeling of fear, love, hate, and remorse. I even feel as if I am losing the physical, the touch no longer as poignant as cascading scalding water. Turning the dial up to feel something. To feel anything. Moving from the shower for the cold chill of suprise.
Does anyone else feel the lack of it?
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Overwhelmed by games..
Letting out a personal and dark secret here...
I'm a gamer. A big one. But since that generally goes hand-in-hand with LOTR references and black background emo-blogs, I guess you figured that out.
But anyways, this season has me friggin overwhelmed by games... seriously. I feel like I've been in perpetual orgasm state here since November. And because I care, I'm going to tell you what I'm REALLY looking forward to playing in the next few months.
Top ten list!
10: Starcraft 2-
The RTS I want most, though I'd really like a 2010 Diablo 3 release.. Sigh. That will definitely compete with a hopefully announced new console Zelda on my list for next year.
9: Left for Dead 2-
Zombies, Guns, Tons o Fun.
8: God of War 3-
I didn't really play much of the first two, but from what I did play, they were incredibly enjoyable games, even with the retarded plot devices. I'm not in on the graphical hype, but this game does look incredible, and as fluid as always. I've got a good feeling I'll enjoy this game... Even if I wont enjoy the titan-sized rape of Greek mythology. (Hoping for an Xbox360 launch)
7: The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks-
Another well known secret... >_>.... I'm a huge Zelda fan. Anytime there is a new launch I'm usually there, but I tend to slack from time to time with the portable versions. Thats not to say I'm not anticipating it, au contraire, I cant wait to sink my teeth into it.. Yet there are a few that I'd like to play a bit more...
6: Tekken 6-
This is one I've got already, and have sunk a decent amount of hours into. I like fighting games, and I've got a lot of really decent, tourny-level competition around me. The game is visually stunning, and all the models have been recast and look beautiful on mah xbox. Big complaint is loading time and the horrendous story mode, but for a fighting game, I guess it tries. Regardless, if you love Tekken you'll love Tekken 6.
5: Dragon Age: Origins-
Once long, long ago, in the last millennium, there were a breed of games unlike any other. Games in the category of Baldurs Gate, Fallout (1-2), and Gabriel Knight- to name a few. Games that nestled so deeply in your core you base the rest of your gaming experience upon them. Though Interplay has been slain (mostly), and EA has stuffed Sierra under a rug somewhere, there is still the glimmer of hope at BioWare with games such as Neverwinter Nights, Mass Effect, and Dragon Age: Origins taking up the mantle of Black Isle's Baulder's Gate. I havn't defeated their newest epic, but it has yet to disappoint.
4: Final Fantasy: Dissidia-
Who couldn't love their favorite Final Fantasy characters going at it with their big swords and long beautiful hair in visually stunning and homosexually-swaying Square-Enix style? I sure can't turn it down, even If I just created irremovable imagery... so you know they're doing something right! Regardless, I've wanted this game since I first imagined something to this extent when Squall and Seifer dueled at the opening credits of 8, thinking.... What if this guy fought Cloud?
A million years later, my fan-service has surfaced.
3: Street Fighter 4: Turbo-
This is assuming I get Makoto and Ibuki, since I loved 3rd Strike so very much. I cant imagine Makoto playing out in the SF4 engine, but I'm sure Capcom can work it out. Gimme gimme!
2: Assassin's Creed 2-
I loved the first assassin's creed, especially since I'd never played a Prince of Persia-esque game. Story wise, I was greatly surprised by the originality and sense of style this game pulled off, and from what I've been told and have read, people were greatly impressed by its sequel. Here's hoping its deserving of this #2 spot.
1: Final Fantasy 13-
Oh here you are you beast of a game, come to tempt me with your Xbox360 release. I spasm-ed and creamed in fountains of joy-fluid upon hearing of its release. Finally, after 10- we're back to where Final Fantasy's should be. Cheers to you, Square-Enix! (wasn't SquareSoft so much cooler?) I'm requesting a week off for this game. No, seriously.
I'm a gamer. A big one. But since that generally goes hand-in-hand with LOTR references and black background emo-blogs, I guess you figured that out.
But anyways, this season has me friggin overwhelmed by games... seriously. I feel like I've been in perpetual orgasm state here since November. And because I care, I'm going to tell you what I'm REALLY looking forward to playing in the next few months.
Top ten list!
10: Starcraft 2-
The RTS I want most, though I'd really like a 2010 Diablo 3 release.. Sigh. That will definitely compete with a hopefully announced new console Zelda on my list for next year.
9: Left for Dead 2-
Zombies, Guns, Tons o Fun.
8: God of War 3-
I didn't really play much of the first two, but from what I did play, they were incredibly enjoyable games, even with the retarded plot devices. I'm not in on the graphical hype, but this game does look incredible, and as fluid as always. I've got a good feeling I'll enjoy this game... Even if I wont enjoy the titan-sized rape of Greek mythology. (Hoping for an Xbox360 launch)
7: The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks-
Another well known secret... >_>.... I'm a huge Zelda fan. Anytime there is a new launch I'm usually there, but I tend to slack from time to time with the portable versions. Thats not to say I'm not anticipating it, au contraire, I cant wait to sink my teeth into it.. Yet there are a few that I'd like to play a bit more...
6: Tekken 6-
This is one I've got already, and have sunk a decent amount of hours into. I like fighting games, and I've got a lot of really decent, tourny-level competition around me. The game is visually stunning, and all the models have been recast and look beautiful on mah xbox. Big complaint is loading time and the horrendous story mode, but for a fighting game, I guess it tries. Regardless, if you love Tekken you'll love Tekken 6.
5: Dragon Age: Origins-
Once long, long ago, in the last millennium, there were a breed of games unlike any other. Games in the category of Baldurs Gate, Fallout (1-2), and Gabriel Knight- to name a few. Games that nestled so deeply in your core you base the rest of your gaming experience upon them. Though Interplay has been slain (mostly), and EA has stuffed Sierra under a rug somewhere, there is still the glimmer of hope at BioWare with games such as Neverwinter Nights, Mass Effect, and Dragon Age: Origins taking up the mantle of Black Isle's Baulder's Gate. I havn't defeated their newest epic, but it has yet to disappoint.
4: Final Fantasy: Dissidia-
Who couldn't love their favorite Final Fantasy characters going at it with their big swords and long beautiful hair in visually stunning and homosexually-swaying Square-Enix style? I sure can't turn it down, even If I just created irremovable imagery... so you know they're doing something right! Regardless, I've wanted this game since I first imagined something to this extent when Squall and Seifer dueled at the opening credits of 8, thinking.... What if this guy fought Cloud?
A million years later, my fan-service has surfaced.
3: Street Fighter 4: Turbo-
This is assuming I get Makoto and Ibuki, since I loved 3rd Strike so very much. I cant imagine Makoto playing out in the SF4 engine, but I'm sure Capcom can work it out. Gimme gimme!
2: Assassin's Creed 2-
I loved the first assassin's creed, especially since I'd never played a Prince of Persia-esque game. Story wise, I was greatly surprised by the originality and sense of style this game pulled off, and from what I've been told and have read, people were greatly impressed by its sequel. Here's hoping its deserving of this #2 spot.
1: Final Fantasy 13-
Oh here you are you beast of a game, come to tempt me with your Xbox360 release. I spasm-ed and creamed in fountains of joy-fluid upon hearing of its release. Finally, after 10- we're back to where Final Fantasy's should be. Cheers to you, Square-Enix! (wasn't SquareSoft so much cooler?) I'm requesting a week off for this game. No, seriously.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
The One Ring
I was browsing on Amazon for a gag gift for my sister.. They had a nice (ok not very nice) golden ring replica with a chain. I was all going to buy it and stuff, but I'm big on product reviews, and it only had one.
It was by Caraculiambro (or whatever the fuck), who's primary complaint was that it "failed to turn me evil."
They went on to say "As soon as this ring arrived, I wore it recklessly, despite Galdalf's stern admonitions not to.
Yet despite the manufacturer's brochure, I never began to "fade." It's true that the ring was able to render me invisible, but even that wasn't as useful as I had been hoping: as it turns out, all my friends, family, and colleagues have already joined the forces of Sauron, so they're able to see me just fine whenever I put the ring on. The net effect, therefore, is that things just became dark and blurry whenever I wear it."
Who's ever heard of a ring of invisibility that doesn't turn one invisible? So much for that. I'm glad I'm not a bigot with reviews like the rest of you.
It was by Caraculiambro (or whatever the fuck), who's primary complaint was that it "failed to turn me evil."
They went on to say "As soon as this ring arrived, I wore it recklessly, despite Galdalf's stern admonitions not to.
Yet despite the manufacturer's brochure, I never began to "fade." It's true that the ring was able to render me invisible, but even that wasn't as useful as I had been hoping: as it turns out, all my friends, family, and colleagues have already joined the forces of Sauron, so they're able to see me just fine whenever I put the ring on. The net effect, therefore, is that things just became dark and blurry whenever I wear it."
Who's ever heard of a ring of invisibility that doesn't turn one invisible? So much for that. I'm glad I'm not a bigot with reviews like the rest of you.
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Opening my eyes, in hopes of closing them again soon.
Wake up.
Coffee?
Too lazy to make.
Starbucks?
Not enough time.
Food?
If traffic is ok.
Shower is a must.
Clothes?
Clean, luckily. When did I do that?
Clothes on.
To the door.
Keys?
Lost, of course.
Food?
Nope.
Drive to work.
Schoolbus.
Pass?
I'm an upstanding citizen.
Work. Late again.
Good Customers?
Some. A few.
Tips?
Unfortunately optional.
Dissapointed Sushi Chefs.
Food?
Gratuitous amounts of leftover Sashimi.
nom nom.
Home.
Gas light.
Refill?
Tommorow.
Quick kisses, clothing change.
Work again, time limit.
Faxes backed up, folders to the brim.
Scan.
Scan.
Scan.
Yawn.
Scan.
Home by three to squeeze seven.
It starts again tommorow.
Coffee?
Too lazy to make.
Starbucks?
Not enough time.
Food?
If traffic is ok.
Shower is a must.
Clothes?
Clean, luckily. When did I do that?
Clothes on.
To the door.
Keys?
Lost, of course.
Food?
Nope.
Drive to work.
Schoolbus.
Pass?
I'm an upstanding citizen.
Work. Late again.
Good Customers?
Some. A few.
Tips?
Unfortunately optional.
Dissapointed Sushi Chefs.
Food?
Gratuitous amounts of leftover Sashimi.
nom nom.
Home.
Gas light.
Refill?
Tommorow.
Quick kisses, clothing change.
Work again, time limit.
Faxes backed up, folders to the brim.
Scan.
Scan.
Scan.
Yawn.
Scan.
Home by three to squeeze seven.
It starts again tommorow.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Blogging.
Something I've never really considered. Throwing thoughts over the internet for some creepy guy to easily access. Grimy, fat, smelly, emotionally deprived guys with cheeto encased fingers sitting in the dark at ungodly hours with only the light from their computer screen to glimmer over their deranged eyes, in (of course) the cliche parent's basement.
People I don't know just reading my thoughts. Hmmm..
I guess there isn't any harm in that really, and I guess that's why blogging may be alright.
I'm not expecting that particular profile of stalker either as a 24 year old Caucasian male. Though I'm hoping there wont be stalkers at all... Unless they're really hot female stalkers.... In black spandex... With agenda's that involve me in a race against time to save the world from diabolical villains...And I have like powers or something...
Tangents.... So back to blogging.
So many people, blogging the mundane. The grind. The weekend to come and the one that has passed. Living their lives one glass at a time, always trying to fill the cup at half empty. Family, friends, coworkers- everyone listing their lives with photos and tweets and relationship statuses that update to computers, and cell phones, and brain chips. Everything there is to know about you in a single and impersonal click.
Well maybe not everything. The "sold" image. The one you want them to see. Everyone has a vice... a secret. Maybe even its your blog that you type away on, in the dead of night, rattling away with your orange fingers as you hungrily await that next face book notification e-mail.
So to am I guilty, as these are addictive times- and anyone without a face book is always strongly advised to get one. Even more of my reserved friends have succumbed of late. Its a good source of basic information, and an excellent way to keep tabs on friends. If Charlie "is feeling under the weather", I know its best not to call him to go grab a latte and brush up on my Nihongo. If Eugene is going to be at the bowling alley at 9, I know where not to be to avoid a miserable experience. Useful indeed.
On topic still? Sortof. The blog.
The blog can be more than mundane, it can be gateway to deeper emotions. A way to express a personal side that you want people to understand about you, or maybe that helps you understand yourself in writing it. I know not.
For me, I'll use it as an experiment. A journey into an unknown world of faceless men- each armed with keyboards, mice, and endless hours to kill. Perhaps they'll read what I have to say, maybe a few of them will like it. Either way I'll get to say what I want to say, and that'll be enough for me.
Something I've never really considered. Throwing thoughts over the internet for some creepy guy to easily access. Grimy, fat, smelly, emotionally deprived guys with cheeto encased fingers sitting in the dark at ungodly hours with only the light from their computer screen to glimmer over their deranged eyes, in (of course) the cliche parent's basement.
People I don't know just reading my thoughts. Hmmm..
I guess there isn't any harm in that really, and I guess that's why blogging may be alright.
I'm not expecting that particular profile of stalker either as a 24 year old Caucasian male. Though I'm hoping there wont be stalkers at all... Unless they're really hot female stalkers.... In black spandex... With agenda's that involve me in a race against time to save the world from diabolical villains...And I have like powers or something...
Tangents.... So back to blogging.
So many people, blogging the mundane. The grind. The weekend to come and the one that has passed. Living their lives one glass at a time, always trying to fill the cup at half empty. Family, friends, coworkers- everyone listing their lives with photos and tweets and relationship statuses that update to computers, and cell phones, and brain chips. Everything there is to know about you in a single and impersonal click.
Well maybe not everything. The "sold" image. The one you want them to see. Everyone has a vice... a secret. Maybe even its your blog that you type away on, in the dead of night, rattling away with your orange fingers as you hungrily await that next face book notification e-mail.
So to am I guilty, as these are addictive times- and anyone without a face book is always strongly advised to get one. Even more of my reserved friends have succumbed of late. Its a good source of basic information, and an excellent way to keep tabs on friends. If Charlie "is feeling under the weather", I know its best not to call him to go grab a latte and brush up on my Nihongo. If Eugene is going to be at the bowling alley at 9, I know where not to be to avoid a miserable experience. Useful indeed.
On topic still? Sortof. The blog.
The blog can be more than mundane, it can be gateway to deeper emotions. A way to express a personal side that you want people to understand about you, or maybe that helps you understand yourself in writing it. I know not.
For me, I'll use it as an experiment. A journey into an unknown world of faceless men- each armed with keyboards, mice, and endless hours to kill. Perhaps they'll read what I have to say, maybe a few of them will like it. Either way I'll get to say what I want to say, and that'll be enough for me.
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